I want you to want me

Today I was thinking about how we all just want to feel wanted. Isn't that kind of in some complex way what we all search for in life? We want to have some feeling of self worth and just for someone to love us and want us. We want to be chosen and we want to feel like our life has some purpose. In friends, in our jobs, in school, in our significant other, and in life in general. Love, a sense of self worth, and to be wanted is what we are searching for.
We don't want to just be a useless piece of trash that's good for nothing. Often times though, that's how we end up feeling. I know first hand that there's nothing in this world to satisfy our hunger for love. In the end, our friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends, and grades all let us down. We're not perfect and neither are the other people in this world. Not only do we get let down, we let others down.
This all sounds quite depressing but the good thing about it is, there actually is someone who won't let us down. There is someone who wants us. God is love and He loves us. He loves us! We can never fully comprehend how much he loves us because it is THAT great! I mean honestly like just dwell on that for a minute. The creator of the universe loves us SO much that we can't even begin to understand how great his love for us is. Dude, embrace that love. Embrace it and spread it. Love is what we need and the only true love that we can find is in our heavenly father. I wish that everyone in the world could just feel the love and grace that I feel constantly. I feel so wanted and God is just hardcore pursuing me right now it's impossible not to fall head over heels in love with Him. God is just comforting me and holding me and encouraging me through this point in my life and man, He just knows exactly what I need. I need his grace. I need his comfort and his love. I need to be wanted by my savior. He doesn't need us, but He wants us. He wants to make our life a life full of purpose.
I have made a crap load of mistakes in my life and I'm positive that I'm not done with making mistakes. The thing is, God knows that I am going to disobey Him yet, He STILL loves me to death, literally. He has made me clean and beautiful so that I can be in his presence. He misses me when I don't speak to Him. He hurts when I hurt and He hears the sound of my breaking heart. The creator of the universe sees the tears that I shed and He covers me with love so much that my heart just overflows with joy. He knows my struggles and knows my deepest, darkest secrets. He knows my heart.
At one point, Him knowing my heart was not a good thing because I was chasing after things that would only disappoint. He knocked on the doors of my heart and I said "nope, no room here!" and I sent Him to the be with the animals. I filled my heart with darkness and in the end it was completely shattered into billions of little pieces. I was broken and I knew of only one place to turn. I came crawling back to my heavenly husband, naked and ashamed. I felt so unworthy to even be seen by such a perfect husband. I saw my reflection in His eye and began to weep over my shame. I cried out to Him, "LORD! How could I have done this? You loved me so much and I threw you to the side. I am not worthy to be yours. How you could ever forgive me I don't know. I am your servant from now on." And my husband replied, "Beloved, I have never stopped loving you. I was with you through the darkest points of your journey and I am with you now as you are on your face because you have realized what you have done. Take another look into my eyes." As I did I saw something different. Something familiar but from my past. I saw Christ. I saw Him and He was beautiful and lovely and blameless. "Look, child. I have washed your mistakes away. They had turned you into an ugly creature instead of what I had intended for you. YOU are beautiful because you have Christ in your heart. YOU are worthy because your body is my temple. I can't ever love you any more or any less than I do now. I have made a way for you to be with me. Come back to me, beloved. I have missed you and want you to be aware of the redemption available to you and lengths that I will go to to be with you. I do not need you, disobedient child. But you are in fact my child and I want you and desire you with all that I am." Then he picked me up and carried me to where I could dance and sing with joy. He took me to where He will prepare my heart for what he has planned for me. He is teaching me, step by step, how to walk again. I keep falling but soon I will get the hang of it. Even those who have been walking for all their lives still trip and fall sometimes. But once we fall we can't just give up and lay on the ground until we rot away. God is trying to help us get back up and if we let him, he will lead us to the cross where he invented grace and where he shed his blood to wash away our crimson stains. I may begin to stumble at some point, but I trust that he will catch me before I fall again. My bruises still haven't quite healed from the first fall but they're getting there. One day he will complete his work with me here and I will join Him in heaven. But, until then I will take each moment, step by step, to walk in the path of the righteous. Praise be to the one who loves me no matter what. Praise Him who looks at me and sees beauty and worth. Praise be to Him who pursues me full on with no regrets. Praise to the creator of redemption, grace, and unfathomable grace. I will praise you always, Father. You are everything to me. Thanks for forgiving me over and over again.