Not going back

You know, funny thing is, sometimes I miss you.
You hurt me deeply and although I've forgiven you, the thought still pains me.
And when I start to slip and want to go back to my old life, I remember what I wrote,

"You gave me what you thought I wanted,
knowing it wasn't what I needed.
Love is patient, you never waited for me.
But I waited for you.
You are not what I thought you were.
I was living the dream, more like the nightmare.
You were a golden calf, something physical I could worship.
Love is kind but, darling, you are far from kind.
I don't know how you did it, but you had me fooled.
I gave everything to you; You were my everything.
But you are NOTHING; and I wonder why you left me empty.
There's one thing I want back, my heart.
You've stolen it right in front of my face.
It doesn't belong to you and you know it.
You know what, keep it.
It's broken anyway.
I know someone who gives out new ones to anyone in need.
I was dead when I left you but, I know a good doctor.
He gave up His riches.
He removed the crown from His head and traded it for thorns.
He saw I was dead so He gave His life to me.
Now I have a new heart, this one you can't touch.
The oil from your unclean hands will make it explode.
This is the most valuable gift I've ever received.
I won't let you break it and I won't let you take it.
He gave me everything you couldn't.
I gave you my heart but you didn't return the favor.
Not only has He given me a new heart,
He holds my heart in His pure, clean hands.
"Baby it's you" who killed me.
But I'm now more alive than I ever was before.
My Lord, my Love.
You kiss me gently and hold me through the storms.
I don't know how you still love me.
But, oh, how my heart leaps for joy when I see You.
I was searching for You in all the wrong places.
Little did I know all I had to do was close my eyes and You were there.
But You aren't a dream, You aren't a nightmare.
I accept the reality of Your love.
I give You my all.
You are everything, You are my everything.
Not only do you satisfy but my cup runs over!
YOU are love.
Oh how I love you, LORD."

Every second I that I wonder why I can't go back, I remember these thoughts.
Sometimes we have to be reminded of our pain so that we don't make the mistake of going back to it when life gets hard.