Loneliness

By far, the biggest struggle among single women is loneliness. Everything may be fine during the day. The sunshine and friends that you see make you feel okay and feel like you won't have this struggle for another day. But as the darkness covers the sky, it begins to seem like you are simply alone. Sure, you have your girl friends to spend time with. But sometimes we just want to be held and we just want someone to scratch our head or watch a movie with - dumb stuff. Don't get me wrong, I am a firm believer in the fact that it is perfectly fine to be single and that God is the ONLY one we need, but I just wish that God would come down to earth and be my physical comfort. I want my heavenly Father to hold me in his arms like his baby girl and tell me that everything's going to be okay and that I'm beautiful. It is so hard when God gives us all the physical desire so that one day when we are married that physical desire will blossom into something so beautiful, but waiting for the time when you have someone who loves you because God loves you sometimes seems like an eternity. For a while I was not interested in the type of guys that I should be. Thankfully, God has opened my eyes for what it means to truly like someone for who they are in Christ and for how they let Christ shine through them. One problem that needed fixin', checked off the list. I feel like there are so many things that I need to fix: doing homework earlier, paying attention in class, sleeping better, eating better, exercising, keeping in touch with friends, devote myself fully to prayer, having a quiet time every morning, being a light, being joyful, reaching out to new people, there are just so many things that I am not doing right. So many things that I am struggling to change. I feel so tired and I feel like I'm carrying a weight that I simply can't handle. I wish I could just please everyone. When I start to feel guilty for not trying to fix these problems, I just want to sleep and I want a new life. Sometimes I feel like I totally fail at bringing God glory. He sent a part of Himself to suffer and bleed and hurt and die for me! And this is how I repay Him? I am so unworthy and so broken. I just want to be with my Father and to be freed from the mess of this world. I feel the potential of doing great things for God but yet I just find myself sleeping all the time or getting bogged down in the negatives. Father, make me more positive, allow me to get true rest at night so I can have energy to tell people about your amazing, great love and grace. Father, you have made yourself known to everyone and have instilled in our hearts that there is a higher being, but it is our job to spread the good news that Christ has redeemed us and that we are covered by his holy blood. May we start really being the hands and feet for You, Father. Let us have revival of what it means to be a christian. What it means to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves. Let us reach out to the homeless and those who are less fortunate. Why Father, why do we live such comfortable lives when we know that there are children, babies dying simply because they can't get the proper amount of nutrition. Awaken this ignorant world to the greater plan of loving each other in order to praise You. Greed has taken over the world and it feels as if it will never stop. Only You can save the world from itself. I am weeping Father. I am crying out to You, "SAVE US, LORD!" Save us from ourselves. We are so ugly and dirty and sinful. Save us. You died for our sins but yet we take it for granted. We need to be saved from ourselves. You are not dead, You are alive! I know this, and I thank you for everything. You created us father, let us, your creations, not destroy ourselves. Revive the campus of Gardner-Webb. Revive North Carolina. Revive the United States. Revive this world.


This is me admitting that I have struggles and that I do get lonely sometimes and sometimes I do wish I had a man of God to truly love me and cherish me. But I know, God's timing is perfect. I am feeling this loneliness so that when I do have a truly Christ like husband to go home to every night, I won't take it for granted. Father let me not forget my struggles for they make me who I am and they awaken me to value forgiveness and grace and love. I have felt ugliness and now I really know what it is to be beautiful. Forgive me for my sins, Father. Forgive me for my thoughts that are not of Your glory. Allow sinful nature and thoughts to flee from my mind. Let me sleep tonight knowing that I am your baby girl and that you have me in your arms and will have me in your arms forever and ever. Bless my dreams to be of Your plans and your beauty opposed to the ugliness of this world. Thank you for who you are. Thank You for loving me when I didn't want Your love. Thank you for chasing me down and breaking me so I may rely fully on You because You are the only one who won't let me down. Awaken me, Awaken Your creation.